The Road to Transformation
What I’ve learned about change and three things that help.
Have you ever felt like you’re at a crossroads in life? Wanting to make a change but unsure about which direction to head in? I have. It’s uncomfortable. When you’ve been in that spot for a while, turning towards each road, considering it, dismissing it, turning to the next, considering, dismissing, next…and repeat! You feel like you’re at the crossroads going round and round in circles. It gets confusing, and no wonder! You’re dizzy from all that circling. You can become disheartened and lost with no sense of direction.
The first thing that it helps to know, and it’s not rocket science…is that change doesn’t happen overnight. How does that help I hear you ask?! Well, it can be comforting. Ok, a bit frustrating too, we’d all like to click our fingers and get where we want, I get it. But sometimes when we have a long-term goal in sight, we just can’t see how we can get there. It feels totally impossible from where we are right now. Or, because of the circling we’ve been doing, we’re too dizzy to see which road we want to take. So, think about the next small step you need to take today to take you down that new road. It could be doing some research, it could be talking about it or buying a relevant book. Or something else!
Prochaska and DiClemente’s (1983) Stages of Change Model shows there are five stages of change: Pre-contemplation – Contemplation – Preparation – Action – Maintenance, as well as an unhelpful sixth stage called “Relapse” or “Slipping” where we revert to old behaviours. This “Relapse” point is more or less unavoidable, and we should be prepared for this and know that it’s par for the course. How long each stage will take depends on your own personal change journey. Some changes may take weeks or a few months. Others may take years. And that’s ok. It’s sometimes helpful to understand where you are in this cycle of change and ask yourself how you can move to the next stage.
The second thing that helps is to be aware of your resilience level. We think of resilience as the ability to bounce back, but it’s also the ability to weather life’s storms. When thinking about resilience, I like to think of the imagery of a rowing boat on water. Imagine that the water level represents your resilience and the rocks below the surface represent life’s challenges. If the water level falls, and you enter shallow waters, you’re more likely to crash into some rocks. On the other hand, if the water level is higher, you’ll still come across rocks but you float over these more easily. What are the upward and downward pressures on your own level of resilience? For example, an upward pressure might be doing exercise, spending time with those you love or partaking in a hobbie that you enjoy. Downward pressures might be not getting enough sleep, exercising less than usual or eating unhealthy food. Think about what these might be in your life.
The third thing that helps is self-compassion. Even the most compassionate of people can have a hard time being kind to themselves. So, the next time you start to beat yourself up about things, stop. Ask yourself what you would say to a friend, what would they/a coach or a mentor say to you? I’m sure you’ll find their words are more encouraging! And if you travel down a particular road that turns out to be a dead end, that’s ok too. It’s just like trying something on for size. Imagine trying on a new top or dress. If it doesn’t fit, you put it back on the rail and try something else on. No biggie. So, if that road doesn’t work for you – you’ve learned from the experience and you can move on as a result. Ask yourself “what did I learn from this?” or “what does this show me” rather than spiralling into a “woe is me” mindset (not a good place to hang out). Find a refuge that helps with this. Maybe it’s taking some time to go to your favourite yoga studio. Maybe it’s reading a book, having a luxurious bath with lots of candles burning or just getting outside for a walk. Find something that works for you and do it regularly.
If you’d like to get clear on how coaching can help you with your change journey, e-mail me to arrange a free, no obligation Clarity Consultation.